the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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