I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Panties = found
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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