i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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