I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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