You really coming over, don't trick.
I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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