I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
