listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We left the knife in your bed.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
