Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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