areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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