I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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