dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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