you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Randomize
