Me too!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
