Just cropdusted the office
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
