You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
