I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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