You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
there is puke in my bra ... again
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
