It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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