last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
