How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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