I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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