He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize