Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There's always time for handjobs
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
