What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
