her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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