that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
