He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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