even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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