She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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