I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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