Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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