We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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