wanna go halves on a baby?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize