Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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