problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
