At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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