I wish I could punch you in the face.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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