I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
