Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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