I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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