Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
