Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
