i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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