i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
