if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
