I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
