my phone needs a breathalizer
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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