Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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