so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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