cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
