does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
