Apparently you make a good broom.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I stole a fireplace last night.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
