the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
