dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
