p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
