woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
