i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
