Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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