Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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