I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
