Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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