hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
