i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just cropdusted the office
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize