dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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