I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
