I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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