You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
