I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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