i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
are you so shy because you have an std?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
