We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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