I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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